Twilight. Yes, Twilight.

Love her or hate her, Stephanie Meyer has rocked some preconceptions in the writing world. While this isn’t a “fresh” topic, if you’ve spent any time with other teen writers, you know that Twilight has left some bite-marks in a lot of teen would-be writers.

I swear Ive seen that pose on Americas Next Top Model...

Before you get out the rotten tomatoes (or

“Team Edward” Fangs), this is my personal position:

1. It is impossible to conclude whether Twilight is a “good” or “bad” book.  From a marketing point of view, Stephanie Meyer zeroed in on a powerful demographic only slightly less adeptly than J. K. Rowling (I say that because Meyers harnessed a wave that earlier Young Adult Fiction novelists had started.)

  1. That being said, there are a lot of flaws in the books. A lot. These are recognizable because their ilk will be repeated again and again in bad Twilight fan fiction—that is, there are some pretty amateur pitfalls.
  2. And that being said, I found the books absolutely addictive.

I’m not going to stalk Robert Patterson or get “lion and lamb” tattoos, but I could not put those damn books down. My only comfort was knowing that I wasn’t alone. I witnessed more than a few super-achievers beat themselves up over it too. Empirically they recognized its many flaws and thought themselves above tweeny-bopper obsession, but their heart still went all-a-patter during scenes like this:

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen” he answered promptly.

“And how long have you been seventeen?”

His lips twitched as he stared at the road, “Awhile”, he admitted at last.

I’ve read plenty of analysis about Meyer’s use of classic bad-boy characterization, but here’s my thesis on how and why the books succeed when they failed:

Con: Bella is a Mary Jane character.

Pro: Bella is vague enough that the female reader can easily substitute herself in to Bella’s situation. She is a stand-in, like one of those cardboard cut-out photo-ops at a fair. Her character displays some of the “acceptable” female flaws; like a quirky clumsiness (see: helplessness) and aloofness (see: utter superiority), but not enough substance to get in the way of a reader looking for a personalized fantasy.

Con: There is hardly any world outside of Bella’s interactions with vampires and werewolves. The students at the Forks High School are unbelievably bumbling and two-dimensional as they fall over their feet to please a girl (Bella) that they hardly know.

Pro: Meyers can devote paragraphs and paragraphs to the close intra-personal scenes the reader craves, and that she displays subversively decent skills at rendering.

There are also some twists which, in my mind, have no excuse:

  1. Glittering. To her credit, Meyers took a bit of a risk with the diamond-skin. It was a gamble at being original, but I didn’t buy it.
  2. Renesme. Really? I had to cringe. The name-moshing reminds me of one of those times when you pull out a journal of old writing only to find a character name Princess Sunshine Aerie’lla, because it  seemed so exotic at the time.
  3. The ending. Spoiler alert for those of you who have been living under rocks: Bella doesn’t die. Every single preparation is made for the fact, not to mention the weird conviction Bella previously had that she would give birth to a boy. Neither of these pan out, in what is the plot equivalent of a short-circuit: ultimately, the path of least resistance is to ignore the implications.

Lessons for a Writer:

1. Sometimes people really do just want to regress to their reading habits in happier days. Personally I read the Twilight series during a super hectic period in my life, and it reminded me of being a tween and having all the time in the world in which to read fluff.

2. If your characters are good, you can get away with murder.

3. A combination of humor and suspense can be a breath-taking mix. Part of the reason the Twilight movie turned out badly was the fact that the humor had been surgically removed. Don’t believe me? Check out the scene where Bella reveals she considered supermen and Kryptonite.

On a side note, if you want to read some excellent Twilight satire, check out Cleolinda’s book summaries. My favorite part? It’s a tie between FURSPLOSION and “Horrify the Twilight N00b”

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We Must Therefore Refuse

I first came across this rejection letter in “The First Five Pages” by Noah Lukeman, but it is originally excerpted from Louis Zukofsky’ “A” as a letter from Chinese publisher. While not 100% politically correct, it make me smile every time I read it:

Most honorable Sir,
We perused your MS.
with boundless delight. And
we hurry to swear by our ancestors
we have never read any other
that equals its mastery.
Were we to publish your work,
we could never presume again on
our public and name
to print books of a standard
not up to yours.
For we cannot imagine
that the next ten thousand years
will offer its ectype.
We must therefore refuse
your work that shines as it were in the sky
and beg you a thousand times
to pardon our fault
which impairs but our own offices.

–Publishers

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